Post NA Tour Depression

I am depressed and I miss my friends.

Honey or sugar substitute

Disturbance

People
Street lights
Barking dogs
Screaming children

Uncertainty

Message sent across the airwave
Ambiguously sent
Receiver reading wrong message
Different tone

Avoidance

Honey or sugar substitute

Feeling strange

Feeling a bit strange today and I don't know how to describe it
Something is not right and I can't identify it
The water looks so calm and smooth
So what is stirring up under the calm water

Tenderness is masked
Talking eyes are silenced
Gate is shut
Key is gone

What do you have?

Monday, I’ll be picking up a sister from Louisiana then head straight to our local choir’s final practice. Things are almost all done with a few more detail to iron out. On Thursday, the rest of the gang would be coming from different corners of the NA.

Personally, I am a bit on the edge and feeling a bit edgy. Perhaps this is a happy edgy feeling because things are finally coming down the wire after many months of praying, planning, and witnessing how everything is being taken care of by the Lord.

So far, this has been a rather interesting journey.

There are some personal issues that I am dealing with right now. Some of them, I can and need do something about. Others, I can only wait for the Lord.

While I am waiting for the Lord, I shall enjoy what He has given me and enjoy His grace.

He’s given me most supportive parents and siblings.
He’s given me two most adorable nephews.
He’s given me friends, siblings in Christ, a wonderful agency to serve Him, a great and nurturing church.
He is sustaining my body with His grace.
Most importantly, He’s given me Christ.

My Lord knows me and He will provide. My soul waits for the Lord.

Smile = I love you

Do you smile at strangers on the street? Do you smile at your family members? Do you smile at your friends? Do you smile at the little children you see at your local grocery store?

I’ve heard from someone that when a child sees your non-smiling face, that child would think that he’s done something wrong so that you are very unhappy with him. Is it really true? What were you like when you were a child? How was your relationship with your parents? As I think back, I remembered how much I feared my father and how much more I loved my mother.

I feared my father because he looked so serious all the time and he didn’t spend time with me. I realize now that he looked so serious to me when I was a child because he worried about his work and he was preoccupied about the projects he had to finish. He didn’t spend time with me because he was so tired from teaching long hours and exhausted from working his students.

I loved my mother so much more than my father because she was always smiling at me and she spent time with me. I realize now that she was always smiling at me because she didn’t bring her worries home from work and she was happy to be at home with us. She spent time with me because that would be the only way that I would leave my father along so that he could prepare his teaching lessons and correct papers.

My father loved me just as much as my mother did and their love for me is still the same today. But because he didn’t smile at me a lot, I associated his seriousness with how I must have seemed to him. I would always think that I must have done something wrong thus causing him to be very unhappy with me. Truth is that I was totally wrong. Oh, my poor little me. If I only knew, I would have been so happy.

As for me, I have decided that I would always smile at my beloved nephews because they are the apples of my eyes.

Smile! I love you!

Hanging out with Bert

My real biological grandmother is in Taiwan and I don't get to see her as often as I wish so I adopted myself a spiritual grandmother, Bert, here in the East Bay.

Bert is about 78 years old, about 5 foot tall and very sweet to me. I first met her at church, perhaps the 2nd or the 3rd time I was there. She would always sit by herself and so I just decided to talk to her one day after church. We got to talk more and we started having lunches after church. We talk a lot, share a lot, pray together, and laugh at each other sometimes. It's all fun. Then one day, I told her that since my biological grandmother is in Taiwan and I don't get to see her as often as I wish, I will adopt her as my grandmother here in the US and at church.

At the beginning of this year, Bert got sick and surgery was needed. Her surgery went well but her recovery time took a lot longer than she had hoped for. After months of treatments and staying at home for a long time, Bert and I finally ventured out with the help of her walker.

So, I spent a few hours hanging out with my adopted grandmother today. We had lunch together and we even chatted for a while after lunch at her home. I even met her son, daughter-in-law, grandsons and even her great-grandsons. Hers is a very nice and loving family and I thank God for allowing me to have an adopted grandmother here in the US.

It's been so hot lately that I haven't been sleeping well. Because I am not getting enough sleep, I am bossy and feeling a bit cranky. I think I might have chewed someone's head off today. Hey, you who got your head chewed off today, sorry. I didn't mean to be cranky on you today. Thank you for trying to calm me down.

Thank the Lord for caring and loving friends.

你呢？

有個朋友生病，進了醫院，她身傍的一位異性好友為她十分緊張。
另一好友有病，卻不想看病，令她身傍的好友們都為她十分緊張。
有些人，怕看醫生。 有些人，不怕看醫生。 你呢？

有一些人對身傍朋友的近况十分清楚，瞭如指掌。
又有人對身傍的朋友滿不在乎，對他人若無其事。
有些人重視朋友。 有些人卻自私自利。 你呢？

今天下午收到了一通妹妹打來的電話。 在電話裡，她跟我分享了一些令她很煩擾、又心痛的事情。 她有一位非常要好的朋友快要結婚了。 新娘不但沒有請她去當伴娘，卻請了她的世仇去當伴娘。 這件事情令她非常生氣，也令她對她的非常好友十分失望。

最近心情比較勁。 心情差是因為我開始感受到從四面八方來的壓力。
求主帶領我，讓我的心與眼睛都集中於耶穌。 不要允許四面八方來的攻擊，使我分心，煩亂我的焦點。