You’ll be in my heart ….

I am finally home. I’ve only been gone for 12 days but it seemed much longer than that. For the past 2 weekends, I’ve been very busy with IW’s NA tour. It is hard to believe that the tour is already over. Looking back, my heart is filled with joy and I am indeed blessed.

First, I must thank God for giving me another wonderful opportunity to participate in His plan and to take part in ACM Canada. I am renewed. Once again, I gave my heart to the Lord. There are so many people that I am grateful for from this tour. So instead of naming everyone, I am going to mention just a few.

The first person that I am thankful for would be our fearless leader AA. Every time I see AA, I am encouraged and inspired. I am encouraged because of his steadfast and simple love for the Lord. I am inspired because AA’s heart is on fire when it comes to serving God.

MJL. MJL is so talented and gifted in music yet he’s so kind and humble. To me, he is my uncle within the team. Everything that comes out from his mouth is uplifting and caring. Indeed, he is dear to me.

ML & JW, my long lost sisters across the boarder. They are always by my side and they are always so witty and smart. They make me laugh and make me think. They often ask questions at early AM that I need to put on my serious thinking hat. Just like sisters, they would push me just a bit to make me a better person. So, I feel that they are my biological sisters.

My beloved PD, I love chatting with him because he is just so dear to me. He can help me see things in ways that I would never have before. I feel as though he is my twin bro. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…. a much cuter twin.

Last but not least, my beloved bro JF. My beloved has done so much in the past few weeks that I can’t thank the Lord enough for him. Without him, I would have had a much tougher time during the NA tour. JF has a pure heart for the Lord and he took a giant step forward to show the world that he loves the Lord. I am so proud of him. I believe that the Lord will honor his pure heart.

Personally, I received love from God through the love I got from my teammates. There is the outright easily identifiable love I have from a few and there is also the quiet and unnoticeable love I received from a few. Each is very precious and unique.

Crying like a silly girl at SeaTac, I didn’t want my beloved go. Even they are far away from me, I know that my beloved are always with me so I am not alone.

You are not alone as well because you’ll be in my heart. I love you all and I can’t wait to be with all of you again.

Clouds, wind and rain

When would the rain stop? When would the clouds go away? When would the wind calm?

I long to see the blue sky.....

Things are muddy.

Post NA Tour Depression

I am depressed and I miss my friends.

Honey or sugar substitute

Disturbance

People
Street lights
Barking dogs
Screaming children

Uncertainty

Message sent across the airwave
Ambiguously sent
Receiver reading wrong message
Different tone

Avoidance

Honey or sugar substitute

Feeling strange

Feeling a bit strange today and I don't know how to describe it
Something is not right and I can't identify it
The water looks so calm and smooth
So what is stirring up under the calm water

Tenderness is masked
Talking eyes are silenced
Gate is shut
Key is gone

What do you have?

Monday, I’ll be picking up a sister from Louisiana then head straight to our local choir’s final practice. Things are almost all done with a few more detail to iron out. On Thursday, the rest of the gang would be coming from different corners of the NA.

Personally, I am a bit on the edge and feeling a bit edgy. Perhaps this is a happy edgy feeling because things are finally coming down the wire after many months of praying, planning, and witnessing how everything is being taken care of by the Lord.

So far, this has been a rather interesting journey.

There are some personal issues that I am dealing with right now. Some of them, I can and need do something about. Others, I can only wait for the Lord.

While I am waiting for the Lord, I shall enjoy what He has given me and enjoy His grace.

He’s given me most supportive parents and siblings.
He’s given me two most adorable nephews.
He’s given me friends, siblings in Christ, a wonderful agency to serve Him, a great and nurturing church.
He is sustaining my body with His grace.
Most importantly, He’s given me Christ.

My Lord knows me and He will provide. My soul waits for the Lord.

Smile = I love you

Do you smile at strangers on the street? Do you smile at your family members? Do you smile at your friends? Do you smile at the little children you see at your local grocery store?

I’ve heard from someone that when a child sees your non-smiling face, that child would think that he’s done something wrong so that you are very unhappy with him. Is it really true? What were you like when you were a child? How was your relationship with your parents? As I think back, I remembered how much I feared my father and how much more I loved my mother.

I feared my father because he looked so serious all the time and he didn’t spend time with me. I realize now that he looked so serious to me when I was a child because he worried about his work and he was preoccupied about the projects he had to finish. He didn’t spend time with me because he was so tired from teaching long hours and exhausted from working his students.

I loved my mother so much more than my father because she was always smiling at me and she spent time with me. I realize now that she was always smiling at me because she didn’t bring her worries home from work and she was happy to be at home with us. She spent time with me because that would be the only way that I would leave my father along so that he could prepare his teaching lessons and correct papers.

My father loved me just as much as my mother did and their love for me is still the same today. But because he didn’t smile at me a lot, I associated his seriousness with how I must have seemed to him. I would always think that I must have done something wrong thus causing him to be very unhappy with me. Truth is that I was totally wrong. Oh, my poor little me. If I only knew, I would have been so happy.

As for me, I have decided that I would always smile at my beloved nephews because they are the apples of my eyes.

Smile! I love you!